Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Romance appears to be dead.
Newton Teens Charged After Sex on Bus
NEWTON COUNTY, Ga. - Newton County sheriff's deputies say a school bus driver turned in two teens, caught on camera having sex on a school bus.
Officers said 17-year-old Tindale Kemp and 17-year-old Brian Martin engaged in sexual activity with a 15-year old girl on the school bus.
The act was captured on the bus video camera.
A school resource officer gave the video to deputies, who filed sodomy and child molestation charges against the teens.
Sodomy ????? On a bus ????
NEWTON COUNTY, Ga. - Newton County sheriff's deputies say a school bus driver turned in two teens, caught on camera having sex on a school bus.
Officers said 17-year-old Tindale Kemp and 17-year-old Brian Martin engaged in sexual activity with a 15-year old girl on the school bus.
The act was captured on the bus video camera.
A school resource officer gave the video to deputies, who filed sodomy and child molestation charges against the teens.
Sodomy ????? On a bus ????
Not afraid to admit my man crush on Vlad...
Here he is horse whispering (while shirtless, natch); he then had the horse poisoned with polonium 210 to send a message to all horses who may oppose him.
Here he is looking displeased while wearing 3D glasses.
Ummm, head asplode with awesomeness!
One more for the ladies (and me, of course), here he is hunting WHILE SHIRTLESS; who does that? What's he hunting? Does he eat what he kills? I bet he tracks the animal for days on his own (even if he doesn't need to, he toys with his prey like a tiger), then kills it with his bare hands (or polonium 210, if he happens to have some of that on his person at the time); he uses the rifle for show.
NINJA EDIT -- dont forget what set off your man crush on Vlad:
Here he is looking displeased while wearing 3D glasses.
Ummm, head asplode with awesomeness!
One more for the ladies (and me, of course), here he is hunting WHILE SHIRTLESS; who does that? What's he hunting? Does he eat what he kills? I bet he tracks the animal for days on his own (even if he doesn't need to, he toys with his prey like a tiger), then kills it with his bare hands (or polonium 210, if he happens to have some of that on his person at the time); he uses the rifle for show.
NINJA EDIT -- dont forget what set off your man crush on Vlad:
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Thought this was pretty bad ass
On the way to and from Wilmington this past weekend (shortened trip due to weather), we took the wife's iPad (wireless only) and used my phone as a wireless hotspot so that we could surf/use the internet the entire way there and back. Only had a few small trouble spots on 40 the entire way, and those outages lasted less than two minutes each time.
Have I mentioned that the iPad is pretty much hot sex with a nun? Well, it is. Especially when you can get wireless network service anywhere you want thanks to my jailbroken iPhone. So, so awesome.
Have I mentioned that the iPad is pretty much hot sex with a nun? Well, it is. Especially when you can get wireless network service anywhere you want thanks to my jailbroken iPhone. So, so awesome.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Damn you Joo Claw for releasing cats @ Gitmo
PREEMPTIVE WARNING FOR SIDEKICK
Walid Muhammad Hajj: There were, of course, Jews among the [staff of] the Guantanamo Base, and they would set traps for the guys.
Interviewer: Give me an example of witchcraft.
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Witchcraft was used on most of the guys.
Interviewer: They would cast a spell on them?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes, but by the grace of Allah, through frequent reading of the Koran and invocation of the names of Allah, they managed to withstand this.
Interviewer: How did you know that somebody was under a spell?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Someone like that would change.
Interviewer: In what way?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: For example, somebody would take his clothes off, all of a sudden, or would sit on his bed for three days straight without sleeping. [...] They would use all kinds of witchcraft against the guys.
Interviewer: Tell me more. Walid Muhammad Hajj: I will tell you how the witchcraft affected the guys. A person would suddenly see his brothers and sisters naked before him. Interviewer: And they weren’t really there?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Absolutely not. It was as if he was in a different world.
Interviewer: You mean, his brothers and sisters from back home.
Walid Muhammad Hajj: That’s right. I remembered an incident with a guy who sat next to me in the morning. When they brought the milk, he began to urinate into the milk.
Interviewer: In front of you?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes. I said to him: “Why are you urinating in the milk?” That’s when we knew that he was under a spell. After he had recovered a little, after we read Koranic verses to him, he said to me: “The birds on the barbed wire would talk to me, and tell me to urinate in the milk. When the guards pass by my cell, the sound made by their pants talks to me.”
Interviewer: They tell him to urinate in the milk?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes. [...]
Interviewer: Did they ever use witchcraft on you?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: There was one attempt. Interviewer: How did they do it?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Once, when I was sleeping – on the floor, not on a bed – I suddenly felt that a cat was trying to penetrate me. It tried to penetrate me again and again. I recited the kursi verse again and again until the cat left.
Interviewer: But there wasn’t really any cat there?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Absolutely not.
Walid Muhammad Hajj: There were, of course, Jews among the [staff of] the Guantanamo Base, and they would set traps for the guys.
Interviewer: Give me an example of witchcraft.
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Witchcraft was used on most of the guys.
Interviewer: They would cast a spell on them?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes, but by the grace of Allah, through frequent reading of the Koran and invocation of the names of Allah, they managed to withstand this.
Interviewer: How did you know that somebody was under a spell?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Someone like that would change.
Interviewer: In what way?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: For example, somebody would take his clothes off, all of a sudden, or would sit on his bed for three days straight without sleeping. [...] They would use all kinds of witchcraft against the guys.
Interviewer: Tell me more. Walid Muhammad Hajj: I will tell you how the witchcraft affected the guys. A person would suddenly see his brothers and sisters naked before him. Interviewer: And they weren’t really there?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Absolutely not. It was as if he was in a different world.
Interviewer: You mean, his brothers and sisters from back home.
Walid Muhammad Hajj: That’s right. I remembered an incident with a guy who sat next to me in the morning. When they brought the milk, he began to urinate into the milk.
Interviewer: In front of you?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes. I said to him: “Why are you urinating in the milk?” That’s when we knew that he was under a spell. After he had recovered a little, after we read Koranic verses to him, he said to me: “The birds on the barbed wire would talk to me, and tell me to urinate in the milk. When the guards pass by my cell, the sound made by their pants talks to me.”
Interviewer: They tell him to urinate in the milk?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes. [...]
Interviewer: Did they ever use witchcraft on you?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: There was one attempt. Interviewer: How did they do it?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Once, when I was sleeping – on the floor, not on a bed – I suddenly felt that a cat was trying to penetrate me. It tried to penetrate me again and again. I recited the kursi verse again and again until the cat left.
Interviewer: But there wasn’t really any cat there?
Walid Muhammad Hajj: Absolutely not.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
3001
Not sure how many people besides me & the Sidekick will remember Red Shirt Guy, aka "King of the Nerds", who corrected the designers of WoW for thinking someone was dead when in fact, PWNAGE, Falstead Warhammer is NOT dead.
Anyway -- they gave him his own character... the Factchecker.
LEROY JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway -- they gave him his own character... the Factchecker.
LEROY JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Vis a vis the Great "hand washing vs. hand sanitizer" debate of 2010...
My wife was right. She is alwasys right. She will always be right. I was wrong.
I will be walking naked through an alley for 2 minutes on Friday evening, downtown on Glenwood.
BTW - my wife cannot eat more wings than me. BOOM.
I will be walking naked through an alley for 2 minutes on Friday evening, downtown on Glenwood.
BTW - my wife cannot eat more wings than me. BOOM.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Yet another poll.
Who has the filthiest mouth ?
Me ?
The Joo Claw?
The GP's wife ?
The Sidekick ?
Anyone else ?
Not just cursing, but unpleasant topics, like bringing up things that shouldn't be discussed, like poop.
Worst thing I can remember is mentioning anal to Jeannie.
Or my attempt at "The Aristocrats" when Sidekick, MPTH & I were @ dinner.
Thoughts ?
Me ?
The Joo Claw?
The GP's wife ?
The Sidekick ?
Anyone else ?
Not just cursing, but unpleasant topics, like bringing up things that shouldn't be discussed, like poop.
Worst thing I can remember is mentioning anal to Jeannie.
Or my attempt at "The Aristocrats" when Sidekick, MPTH & I were @ dinner.
Thoughts ?
Hate to do it, but another poop poll
I think I must work with the nastiest sum-beeches on earth.
Fact #1) we have 3 sinks and generally 1 or 2 per week will be backed up. HOW DO YOU PLUG A FUCKING SINK ???? All that goes into it is water and soap, neither of which is a solid. So that is just gross.
Fact #2(and the root of our poll) How do you get splatter shat on the BACK upper rim of the toilet ?????
Poll Question -- are these people standing up and just blindly aiming
OR
(and based on lack of morbidly obese men I think this is weakest possibility) are they just so fat that when they sit down their bung hole is bare millimeters from the back of the toilet?
I think option 1 -- there's lots of foreigners here, and they might not be used to a sit down crapper -- so standing on the toilet itself and squatting might be the most comfortable way to poop.
Fact #1) we have 3 sinks and generally 1 or 2 per week will be backed up. HOW DO YOU PLUG A FUCKING SINK ???? All that goes into it is water and soap, neither of which is a solid. So that is just gross.
Fact #2(and the root of our poll) How do you get splatter shat on the BACK upper rim of the toilet ?????
Poll Question -- are these people standing up and just blindly aiming
OR
(and based on lack of morbidly obese men I think this is weakest possibility) are they just so fat that when they sit down their bung hole is bare millimeters from the back of the toilet?
I think option 1 -- there's lots of foreigners here, and they might not be used to a sit down crapper -- so standing on the toilet itself and squatting might be the most comfortable way to poop.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saddest day ever.
The next to the last episode of Season 2 of "The League" may be the funniest shit ever on tv. I litterally splatter shat my drawers wrt the prayer to "Tom Cruise's G_d".
The idea of having to wait until like August or September for Season 3 just makes me want to cry.
The idea of having to wait until like August or September for Season 3 just makes me want to cry.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
"Wedding Toast" that was on NPR
by David Rakoff
Nathan, at one of the outlying tables,
his legs tangled up in the disc jockeys cables,
surveyed the room as unseen as a ghost,
while he mulled over what he might say for his toast.
Though the couple had asked him for his benediction,
seemed at odds with them parking him here by the kitchen.
That he'd shown up at all was still a surprise,
and not just to him,
it was there in the eyes of the guests
who had seen a mirage and drew near,
and then covered their shock with a 'Nathan, you're here?'.
And then silence, they'd nothing to say beyond that.
A few of the braver souls lingered to chat.
They all knew and it wasn't a mystery
that he and the couple had quite an odd history.
Their bonds were a tangle of friendship and sex,
Josh, his best pal once, and Patty, his ex.
For a while he couldnt go out in the city,
without being a punchline, or object of pity.
'Poor Nathan' had virtually become his new name,
So he showed up just to show he was game,
Though his invite was late, a forgotten addendum
For Nate there could be no more clear referendum,
That he need but endure through this evening and then
He would likely not see Josh and Patty again.
Josh's sister was speaking, a princess in peach.
Nathan dug in his pocket to study his speech.
He'd poured over Bartlets for couplets to filch,
He stayed up till three, still came up with zilch.
Except for instructions he'd underscored twice.
Just two words in length, and those words were: be nice.
Too often, he thought, our emotions betray us,
and reason departs once we're up on the dias.
He'd witnessed uncomfortable moments,
where others had lost their way quickly,
where sisters and brothers had gotten too prickly.
He'd heard their babbling with stories of benders,
Or lesbian dabbling, or spot-on impressions of mothers-in-law,
which true, Nathan thought, always garnered guffaws,
But the price seemed too high,
with the laughs seldom cloaking hostility, masquerading as joking.
No, he'd swallow his rage and he'd bank all his fire.
He knew that in his case, the bar was set higher.
Folks were just waiting for him to erupt,
they'd be hungry for blood even though they had supped.
They'd want tears, or some other unsightly reaction,
And Nathan would not give them that satisfaction.
Though Patty a harlot and Josh was a lout,
At least Nathan knew what he'd not talk about.
I won't wish them divorce, that they wither and sicken,
Or tonight that they choke on their salmon or chicken.
I won't mention that time when the cottage lost power,
In that storm on the cape and they left for an hour.
And they thought it was just the cleverest rouse,
to pretend it took that long to switch out the fuse.
Or that time Josh advised me with so much insistence,
that I should grant Patty a little more distance,
that the worst I could do was to hamper and crowd her,
that if Patty felt stifled, she'd just take a powder,
that a plant needs its space just as much as its water,
that I shouldn't give Patty that ring that I bought her,
That in retrospect only elicits a 'gosh,
I hardly deserved a friend like you, Josh'
No, I won't spill the beans, or make myself foolish,
To satisfy appetites venal and ghoulish.
I will not be the blot on this hellish affair.
And with that Nathan pushed out and rose from his chair.
And just by the tapping of knife against crystal,
All eyes turned his way, like he'd fired off a pistol.
'Hmm, Josh, well, Patricia, a few family and friends,
I'll say a few words, if you will, before everything ends.
You've promised to honor, to love and obey,
We've quaffed our champagne and been cleansed by sorbet,
All in endorsement of your hers and hisdom,
So now let me add my two sense worth of wisdom.
I was racking my brain, sitting here at this table,
Until I remembered this suitable fable,
That gets at a truth, though it may well distort us.
So here with the Tale of the Scorpion and Tortoise.
The Scorpion was hamstrung, his tail all aquiver,
Just how would he manage to get cross the river,
'Why, the water's so deep' he observed with a sigh,
Which pricked at the ears of a tortoise nearby.
'Well, why don't you swim?' asked the slow-moving fellow,
'Unless you're afraid, I mean what are you yellow?'
'It isn't a matter of fear or of whim', said the scorpion,
'But that I don't know how to swim'
'Ah, I didn't mean to be glib when I said that,
I figured you were an amphibian'
'No offense taken' the Scorpion replied,
'But how bout you help me to reach the far side?
You swim like a dream, and you have what I lack,
what's say you take me across on your back?'
'I'm really not sure that's the best thing to do' said the Tortoise,
'Now that I see that it's you. You've a less than ideal reputation preceding,
there's talk of your victims all poisoned and bleeding.
You're the Scorpion, and how can I say this, but well,
I just don't feel safe with you riding my shell.'
The Scorpion replied, 'What would killing you prove?
We'd both drown, so tell me, how would it behoove me,
to basically die at my very own hand,
when all I desire is to be on dry land.'
The Tortoise considered the Scorpions defense.
When he gave it some thought it made perfect sense.
The niggling voice in his mind he ignored,
And he swam to the bank and called out, 'Climb aboard'.
But just a few moments from when they set sail,
the Scorpion lashed out with his venomous tail.
The Tortoise too late, understood that he'd blundered,
when he felt his flesh stabbed and his carapace sundered.
As he fought for life he said, 'Tell me why you have done this,
For now we will surely both die?'
'I don't know!', cried the Scorpion,
'You never should trust a creature like me,
because poison I must. I'd claim some remorse or at least some compunction,
But I just can't help it, my form is my function!
You thought I'd behave like my cousin the crab,
But unlike him, it is but my nature to stab.
The Tortoise expired with one final quiver,
And then both of them sank, swallowed up by the river.
The Tortoise was wrong to ignore all his doubts,
because in the end friends, our natures will out.
Nathan paused, cleared his throat, took a sip of his drink,
He needed these extra few seconds to think.
The room had gone frosty, the tension was growing,
Folks wondered precisely where Nathan was going.
The prospects of skirting fiasco seemed dim,
But what he said next surprised even him.
'Soooo, what can we learn from their watery ends?
Is there some lesson on how to be friends?
I think what it means is that central to living a life that is good, is a life that's forgiving.
We're creatures of contact. Regardless of whether we kiss or we wound,
Still we must come together.
Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more,
Since it beats staying dry, but So Lonely on shore.
So, we make ourselves open,
while knowing full well its essentially saying,
'Please, come pierce my shell'
Silence doesn't paint the depth of quiet in that room.
There was no clinking stemwear toasting to the bride and groom.
You could have heard a pedal as it landed on the floor.
And in that stillness Nathan turned, and walked right out the door.
Nathan, at one of the outlying tables,
his legs tangled up in the disc jockeys cables,
surveyed the room as unseen as a ghost,
while he mulled over what he might say for his toast.
Though the couple had asked him for his benediction,
seemed at odds with them parking him here by the kitchen.
That he'd shown up at all was still a surprise,
and not just to him,
it was there in the eyes of the guests
who had seen a mirage and drew near,
and then covered their shock with a 'Nathan, you're here?'.
And then silence, they'd nothing to say beyond that.
A few of the braver souls lingered to chat.
They all knew and it wasn't a mystery
that he and the couple had quite an odd history.
Their bonds were a tangle of friendship and sex,
Josh, his best pal once, and Patty, his ex.
For a while he couldnt go out in the city,
without being a punchline, or object of pity.
'Poor Nathan' had virtually become his new name,
So he showed up just to show he was game,
Though his invite was late, a forgotten addendum
For Nate there could be no more clear referendum,
That he need but endure through this evening and then
He would likely not see Josh and Patty again.
Josh's sister was speaking, a princess in peach.
Nathan dug in his pocket to study his speech.
He'd poured over Bartlets for couplets to filch,
He stayed up till three, still came up with zilch.
Except for instructions he'd underscored twice.
Just two words in length, and those words were: be nice.
Too often, he thought, our emotions betray us,
and reason departs once we're up on the dias.
He'd witnessed uncomfortable moments,
where others had lost their way quickly,
where sisters and brothers had gotten too prickly.
He'd heard their babbling with stories of benders,
Or lesbian dabbling, or spot-on impressions of mothers-in-law,
which true, Nathan thought, always garnered guffaws,
But the price seemed too high,
with the laughs seldom cloaking hostility, masquerading as joking.
No, he'd swallow his rage and he'd bank all his fire.
He knew that in his case, the bar was set higher.
Folks were just waiting for him to erupt,
they'd be hungry for blood even though they had supped.
They'd want tears, or some other unsightly reaction,
And Nathan would not give them that satisfaction.
Though Patty a harlot and Josh was a lout,
At least Nathan knew what he'd not talk about.
I won't wish them divorce, that they wither and sicken,
Or tonight that they choke on their salmon or chicken.
I won't mention that time when the cottage lost power,
In that storm on the cape and they left for an hour.
And they thought it was just the cleverest rouse,
to pretend it took that long to switch out the fuse.
Or that time Josh advised me with so much insistence,
that I should grant Patty a little more distance,
that the worst I could do was to hamper and crowd her,
that if Patty felt stifled, she'd just take a powder,
that a plant needs its space just as much as its water,
that I shouldn't give Patty that ring that I bought her,
That in retrospect only elicits a 'gosh,
I hardly deserved a friend like you, Josh'
No, I won't spill the beans, or make myself foolish,
To satisfy appetites venal and ghoulish.
I will not be the blot on this hellish affair.
And with that Nathan pushed out and rose from his chair.
And just by the tapping of knife against crystal,
All eyes turned his way, like he'd fired off a pistol.
'Hmm, Josh, well, Patricia, a few family and friends,
I'll say a few words, if you will, before everything ends.
You've promised to honor, to love and obey,
We've quaffed our champagne and been cleansed by sorbet,
All in endorsement of your hers and hisdom,
So now let me add my two sense worth of wisdom.
I was racking my brain, sitting here at this table,
Until I remembered this suitable fable,
That gets at a truth, though it may well distort us.
So here with the Tale of the Scorpion and Tortoise.
The Scorpion was hamstrung, his tail all aquiver,
Just how would he manage to get cross the river,
'Why, the water's so deep' he observed with a sigh,
Which pricked at the ears of a tortoise nearby.
'Well, why don't you swim?' asked the slow-moving fellow,
'Unless you're afraid, I mean what are you yellow?'
'It isn't a matter of fear or of whim', said the scorpion,
'But that I don't know how to swim'
'Ah, I didn't mean to be glib when I said that,
I figured you were an amphibian'
'No offense taken' the Scorpion replied,
'But how bout you help me to reach the far side?
You swim like a dream, and you have what I lack,
what's say you take me across on your back?'
'I'm really not sure that's the best thing to do' said the Tortoise,
'Now that I see that it's you. You've a less than ideal reputation preceding,
there's talk of your victims all poisoned and bleeding.
You're the Scorpion, and how can I say this, but well,
I just don't feel safe with you riding my shell.'
The Scorpion replied, 'What would killing you prove?
We'd both drown, so tell me, how would it behoove me,
to basically die at my very own hand,
when all I desire is to be on dry land.'
The Tortoise considered the Scorpions defense.
When he gave it some thought it made perfect sense.
The niggling voice in his mind he ignored,
And he swam to the bank and called out, 'Climb aboard'.
But just a few moments from when they set sail,
the Scorpion lashed out with his venomous tail.
The Tortoise too late, understood that he'd blundered,
when he felt his flesh stabbed and his carapace sundered.
As he fought for life he said, 'Tell me why you have done this,
For now we will surely both die?'
'I don't know!', cried the Scorpion,
'You never should trust a creature like me,
because poison I must. I'd claim some remorse or at least some compunction,
But I just can't help it, my form is my function!
You thought I'd behave like my cousin the crab,
But unlike him, it is but my nature to stab.
The Tortoise expired with one final quiver,
And then both of them sank, swallowed up by the river.
The Tortoise was wrong to ignore all his doubts,
because in the end friends, our natures will out.
Nathan paused, cleared his throat, took a sip of his drink,
He needed these extra few seconds to think.
The room had gone frosty, the tension was growing,
Folks wondered precisely where Nathan was going.
The prospects of skirting fiasco seemed dim,
But what he said next surprised even him.
'Soooo, what can we learn from their watery ends?
Is there some lesson on how to be friends?
I think what it means is that central to living a life that is good, is a life that's forgiving.
We're creatures of contact. Regardless of whether we kiss or we wound,
Still we must come together.
Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more,
Since it beats staying dry, but So Lonely on shore.
So, we make ourselves open,
while knowing full well its essentially saying,
'Please, come pierce my shell'
Silence doesn't paint the depth of quiet in that room.
There was no clinking stemwear toasting to the bride and groom.
You could have heard a pedal as it landed on the floor.
And in that stillness Nathan turned, and walked right out the door.
Feeling a little bit old.
I sent Tzom a note a couple weeks ago that we're coming up on the 20th anniversary of "Temple of the Dog" being released.
Well, little did I know that some songs are already 20+.
Well, little did I know that some songs are already 20+.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Monday, December 06, 2010
Thoughts on Festivus around the 21st ???
We can only get a baby sitter up until then, and let me just say, I dont care when I get to aire my grievance, it just needs airing.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
"The League" = funniest thing ever on TV
OMG -- Andre nursing the kid.... HFS - how funny was that shit ?
Friday, December 03, 2010
As George Constanza would say.......
I'm Back Baby!
Somehow I am now allowed to access this site. No more IPhone viewing for me! I will now be involved a bit more after a year hiatus! This may not be a good or bad thing. Just different.
Somehow I am now allowed to access this site. No more IPhone viewing for me! I will now be involved a bit more after a year hiatus! This may not be a good or bad thing. Just different.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Manhole 2.0 is open for exploration!!!
The Ukranians left a bench, which has leg extensions & lat pulldown attachments.
I got that, the pullup/dip machine, the giant jumping box and all my free weights organized.
Wow. I'm fucking sore.
I got that, the pullup/dip machine, the giant jumping box and all my free weights organized.
Wow. I'm fucking sore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)