Insert boggle eyed emoticon here.

Operation F_U_Mole_King has begun!!!

Clarity notes -- Tbone was like WTF???
So, I should explain.
In an effort to defeat the hordes of moles & voles that I brought to my yard, I have purchased an owl box, which SHOULD attract a barn owl or two within a fortnight, hopefully to feast on the veritable mole buffet.

Here's what I need from the StRA community.

We need to find a new domicile for Big Dave, aka "Agent Jack Bauer".
I like him, but I like Mendoza more. He chases her, so she stays in the bedroom & then pisses on stuff.
So I'd prefer to get rid of him instead of her, adding in the benefit of him being a long hair and that not really helping the Missus' allergies.

I would appreciate if everyone would spread the word and try finding a good home for an awesome cat.

Thanks!

2 bugs having sex on car window

Best. Wife. Ever.

So while we're watching "National Treasure", I'm whining & complaining that any deathtrap maze can be completed so easily by just Summoning monsters to find the traps and using Utility spells to fix broken ledges, etc...
She finally had enough and said "Thats it. Im sick of hearing you explain everything in terms of D&D an me not having an idea of whats going on. You're teaching me to play and we're doing it tonight."
So we go through the basics of roleplaying, the DM (who she refers to as "the tyrannical bartender") stats, races, classes (multi-classing & dual classing), alignment, hp and AC and as it hits midnight she gets antsy and says "Give me some dice".
4d6, take top 3: 18, 17, 16,15,14,14.
HFS - now, I'm not a stickler of roll in order, so I'll let her arrange them as needed.
So she looks at her options and decides she wants to "F stuff up", and since paladins are too namby pamby and Lawful Good has too many rules -- she asks, "Is there some kind of opposite paladin?"
I explained to her that while D&D is about killing things and taking their stuff, its generally frowned upon to kill bartenders and she stops me cold. "Oh no. I'm gonna let good people kill bad stuff, then ambush them and take their stuff."
So she has decided to be and Anti-Paladin ( the idea of being able to Cause Disease makes her excited) and made me roll up someone to have as a sidekick to show her the ropes -- my stats aren't nearly as good, but I'm thinking either a drow Cleric/MU or a 1/2 orc Cleric/Assassin.

So we're currently getting ready to start exploring Homlett.

Greatest Day EVER!!!!

#######################################################

Update:

The wife decided to name her Anti-Paladin "Shawntel the Evil Dude", or 'Sted'

I settled on a gnome Illusionist / Assassin, also Chaotic Evil, named Mr. Pickles.

Backstory we used -- her "Church of Nasty Evil", which had sheltered her throughout her evil life, decided to send her out to take care of some loose ends, including a cleric named Lareth who had gone off the reservation and needed to be dealt with.
She was ordered to the small town of Homlett and told to keep a low profile, find information about him & his whereabouts, and to "take care of him".

She decided that once we got into Homlett, using her Detect Good, it would be best to avoid anyone that gave her a "nasty" vibe. We took note of the money changers office, and I also noted that the Trading Post was owned by folks who I believed were on the "down low" and that we would get along with them fabulously.

The Inn was kind of fun -- we made fast friends with Spugnoir, Zert and Koburt. Turuko and Furnok were not our favorites, so we poisoned them LOL -- too much fun.

Lots of poking around and gathering info and we learned that Terjon and Elmo were to be avoided -- a little too goody too shoes for our taste. Jaroo was someone to avoid unless we really really had something of value to him.
We learned that caravans in the area were being attacked by a group that involved archers, unnatural creatures (sure to be undead), and non-humans of various sorts. Jaroo and Elmo had tracked them down to an abandoned moathouse, yet were unable to gather enough troops to deal with the issue themselves.

We set out and eventually arrived -- only to be made abundantly aware that none of us had any skills at woodland travel. Nor could we track anything, so we had no idea if we were going to the place we were supposed to be going to.

Since we couldnt get through the boggy nastiness , we put Zert and Koburt in front of us, Spugnoir behind us (since he could only cast one useful spell) and forged ahead straight to the drawbridge.

Then the frogs attacked. And we rolled. And rolled. And rolled. And rolled. And rolled.
My goodness. I had forgotten what it was like to be 1st level and never hit anything.
Let me just say -- my wife was QUITE annoyed that I kept running away from combat and talked so much smack.
But... I'm 2 ft tall and these are giant friggin frogs AND we're both evil and I'm convinced you're going to kill me at some point anyway and I cant help that the "Church of Nasty Evil" should have sent her to remedial sword lessons.
Eventually, she finally got her first D&D hit and kill. Quite dramatic, if you ask me.

I then made my bones and did some sneaking around the drawbridge, through the courtyard and up to the Great Hall.
When asked if she wanted me to do some sneaking around beyond that, she said "NO. I'm here to F Beeches up!!!!"
And she started kicking doors in.

The brigands didnt stand a chance against her 18 charisma, and I rolled a 90 something on their reaction.
They were like "Whats up ese !!!! You come her often ?"
Instead, she got LIVID that they talked to her without permission, so she ordered Spugnoir to knock them out.
Those that weren't knocked out failed their Morale check HORRIBLY and surrendered, only to be cut down once they were tied up.

Then we decided to call it a night so that Spugnoir and Mr. Pickles could rest & memorize

Anyway -- good times. Who knows if she'll ever come back to the table, but we had a great time regardless.

Exciting news !!!

So we spent our day here:



And I spent some time being minstrated by Mrs. Jessica:




And the end result... drumroll please... (apologies for low quality cell phone pic)

I mean this in all seriousness...

If I can find my N64 and subsequent games, and get them hooked up to my TV, who would be up for some:

WCW vs. NWO Revenge

or

Wrestlemania 2000

??????????

Superman vs. Batman

Premise 1: Superman is stronger than Batman.

Premise 2: Batman is smarter than Superman.

Premise 3: Superman has a high level of moral integrity, and would never start a fight with a weaker opponent, especially a fellow superhero, unprovoked.

Premise 4 (Corollary to Premise 3): If Batman and Superman fought, it would be because Batman initiated the fight.

Premise 5: Batman would never initiate a fight he could not win.

Therefore, if Batman and Superman fight, it will be because Batman provoked the fight, and therefore knew that he could win. Ergo, if Batman and Superman fight, Batman will always win.

Dare I say, the "downfall" of satire??

Rats!

A couple weeks ago, when I said Greece would implode by 4/19, I was definitely wrong. It happened on 4/23.

My next post will be the next time I can gloat, definitely by October 23.

His special power is wheezing.

I think Sweet Dee slipped me a roofie

So Sweet Dee & I went to the driving range, had a few beers and a pizza and then called it an evening. Around 3 AM, I vomited my ever living guts out -- I've been told I've ruptured blood vessels in my face.
My thoughts -- Sweet Dee was trying to get into my pants.

ICP!

Deep thought for the day.

I'd really love to see the world's oldest hourglass to see if , after hundreds of years of being poured back and forth, if the sand has worn itself down into basically dust.

Five word review of "Alice in Wonderland"

What a truly horrible movie.

Joke of the day

guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey...while the bartender is still pouring them, he starts taking the shots. 
the guy wipes his mouth and says "ok, let's go again" 
bartender says, "you know, i don't think it's good for you to drink like this"
guy says "you'd drink like this too, if you had what i've got." 
bartender, feeling like he's insulted the guy, and slightly worried what kind of terminal illness he may have says, "oh man, i'm sorry. if you don't mind me asking, what do you have?" 
guys says "about 3 bucks"

Go Pack

It's time for another one of these...

Five word review of "Shutter Island"

M. Night Shama-cese strikes again!

Boxing and Strikeforce.

HBO Boxing - 10PM
Kelly Pavlik-Sergio Martinez: Best Middleweight matchup that can be made in boxing.
Lucian Bute - Edison Miranda (Irish Mickey Columbia): Nice SuperMiddle fight with two guys that throw
Oh and Mayweather Mosley 24/7 is on at 9:30
 
CBS Strikeforce - 9PM
Dan Henderson-Jake Shields: Best StirkeForce middlewieght matchup.  Probably will be an ugly  fight unless Shields decides to throw with Henderson.  But hey its on free TV

Muhammed Lawal-Gegard Mousasi: I like this fight.  The only two Stirkeforce Light Heavys that are worthwhile and they are fighting.  Lawal is still a bit raw and Mousasi may catch him in a submission.  but I like this one.

Shinya Aoki - Gilbert Melendez:  Can't remember much about these two other than Aoki's standup is worse than mine. But hey two 155 pounders fighting should be good.
 
I say we do this.  Who's in? I know some may not be able to or not want to but I wanted to put it out there for everyone. I will follow up with email.  

Whats on tap for today (other than mourning GatorStomp)?

2 months

• DTaP: Diphtheria, tetanus, and acellular pertussis vaccine
• Hib: Haemophilus influenzae type b vaccine
• IPV: Inactivated poliovirus vaccine
• PCV: Pneumococcal conjugate vaccine
• Rota: Rotavirus vaccine

Funny funny story

Lady I work with has a 8 year old son
Last night, around 1:45 am, he starts yelling "MA!"
"MA!"
"MA!"

She obviously thinks something is wrong and goes hightailing it into his bedroom.
"Whats wrong!"

"Did you record Monday Night RAW?"

Too funny.

F u mole king

So, Mostly I Stopped Writing About This But...

...something tells me the world's economy is getting wanky again. In 2007-08 I was bitching about the banks but this time it's nations. Everyone knows Iceland (aka Bears Sterns) was an early implosion and that Greece will light up in the next 10 days (aka Lehman Brothers). But did anyone else notice that China (Morgan Stanley) had a failed bond auction today. Yes, that China. If no one will fund China's debt, who exactly will fund the United State's (Goldman Sachs) deficit? I don't think Warren Buffet has enough to buy super senior US debt. What happens if no one buys US debt? This:


Follow the red line, which is the GDP without Federal Spending. With Federal spending, we bottomed out at -6% but if no one buys US debt, we'd be in -10% to -12% range or about twice as bad as it's been in the last two years.

As it's been for the last 18 years, our US Federal debt has been about the best exit strategy and not repayment, i.e. reduced Social Security benefits. It's not a matter of if but when. When the housing bubble got this obvious it still took 3 years to blow up. I'm not claiming you'll wake up tomorrow to Zombieland but I am giving the same advice of 2007 which is pay off your debt and keep your options open.

Can anyone spot the funny?

This one is for the Sidekick.

Probably on the wrong blog, but since the HBK is bigger than mere athletic entertainment....

I bring you A Look Back At The Career Of Shawn Michaels

This seems like a brilliant way to lower my triglycerides

Niacin can lower
triglycerides, but only when used in very large amounts. The
recommended dietary allowance for niacin is 14 milligrams a day for
women, 16 milligrams for men, with an upper limit of 35 milligrams.
To lower triglycerides, levels of 2,000 to 6,000 milligrams (2 to 6
grams) of niacin are needed. At this level, niacin is no longer a
vitamin but a drug. Dietary supplements are not tightly regulated by
the Food and Drug Administration, so if your doctor recommends
niacin, you should use the prescription version of niacin. The
prescription form is regulated by the FDA and is formulated to reduce
side effects and deliver the vitamin in a time-released way to
minimize skin flushing.

BUT.... this doesnt look too awesome.

Side Effects
Remember that the use of niacin in high doses can cause serious side effects. Please only take niacin under the direct supervision of a physician. The most common side effect from niacin is flushing of the skin. This reaction is well documented and is mediated by a substance called prostaglandin.

Flushing of the skin is commonly described as a redness or itching and tingling sensations that typically occurs on the face, neck, chest, and back. The flushing sensation can be a nuisance, but there is no cause to worry. The flushing sensation is usually transient and will go away within 10 to 60 minutes. As your body adjust to the niacin, the flushing will become milder and eventually resolve.

The following are some guidelines and tips to minimize the flushing side effects:

* Do not take niacin with hot beverage, alcohol, or spicy food.
* Titrate up the dosage VERY SLOWLY, every 3 to 7 days.
* Take the niacin with breakfast and dinner to avoid stomach upset and promote more even absorption.
* Take half of a regular adult aspirin twenty minutes before each niacin dose. You may need to take the aspirin for three to four weeks, until your system adjusts.

Other important side effects:

* Elevation in liver function test.
* Elevation in uric acid.
* Possible exacerbation of atrial arrhythmias.
* Rare occurrence of retinopathy.
* May exacerbate diabetes.

I have raw bacon but no pan to cook it !!!!

A simple but elegant solution to a common household problem: you have raw bacon, but you have no frying pan with which to cook it. You do, however, have a machine gun. All you have to do is wrap the bacon in tin foil, tie it around the barrel of your Rheinmetall MG 3, and fire off about 150 rounds (250 if you like it crispy).

Five word review of "All About Steve"

There is no there there.

Five word review of "Head over heels"

Cotton candy for the brain.

Five word review of "Sexy Beast"

All that for some earrings ???

Pretty sure this is how Kevin dies...

Sup, zombie Jesus

Framed for a small time crime they did not commit...

Ouch. Anytime someone says Keanu Reeves was a better actor....

Clunk of the Titans - Culture - The Atlantic

Arnie!